


But He's Baby

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [50]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: A baby - Freeform, Batfamily, Batfamily (DCU), Connor Hawke is a BABY in this story, Crack, Damian is a good big brother, Damian's twisted fairytales, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Little Farmer Damian, M/M, Protective Dick Grayson, Protective Jason Todd, References to Drugs, Tim slinks around in his miniskirt, batbros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23905858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Roy faces his past.Jason wants to put Oliver in a cast.Dick is revealed to a violent hen,and Damian retells the Little Mermaid, but makes it between two men.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Wally West, Dinah Lance/Oliver Queen, Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Series: Slip and Slide [50]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/925041
Comments: 32
Kudos: 314





	But He's Baby

Bruce Wayne was a man of habit. He woke up at seven-thirty every morning, grabbed a cup of coffee, avoided Dick’s attempts at making him drink green smoothies, and went to work with Tim. He came back at five, trained, napped, and then patrolled.

It was now seven-thirty five, and Bruce was hankering for his coffee. He waddled excitedly to the kitchen, intent on stealing some of Tim’s genetically modified, premium roasted Arabica coffee. Only no, it seemed that he would have to cross an obstacle course first, because apparently, his whole family had decided to eat breakfast all together.

Bruce walked into the crowded kitchen, stepping over several smaller members of his family (Damian, Tim, Cass) to get to Dick, who was flipping pancakes with his usual frenetic, pixie-like energy at the stove to feed the entire clan while Alfred was spending some great-grandpa time with Terry and helping him eat his apple mush.

“Dick,” Bruce said lowly, “why is everyone and their grandmother here so early?” Even Jason and Roy were here, and they never showed up before ten ‘o clock at the earliest. Especially on a Saturday.

“Bruce, nobody here has a grandmother,” Dick pointed out.

That was true and also very sad, Bruce thought. “What’s going on?”

Dick stopped making pancakes and fidgeted anxiously with the end of his apron. “Well, Dinah is coming over today,” he said, referring to the Black Canary.

“Yes, I know. I needed to speak to her. What about it?”

Dick looked worriedly over at Roy and Jason. “Well, she couldn’t find a babysitter, and so she has to bring hers and Oliver’s kid with her. His name is Connor, and with everything that went down between Roy and Oliver, Roy is just a bit on edge about seeing his, well, baby brother.”

Bruce looked over discreetly at Roy, who was picking at his grapefruit with a frown. Beside him, Jason was trying to cheer him up, telling him a decidedly unsavoury joke.

“Hey Roy. What did the condom say to the cock?” Jason asked. Bruce gnashed his teeth, quickly making sure that Damian had not heard. Luckily, Damian was engrossed in his animal biology textbook that was easily bigger than his head.

Roy looked up bemusedly. “W-what?”

“I’m over you,” Jason beamed, startling Roy into giggles, while Tim explained the joke to Cass.

“Why is Jason so awful,” Bruce wondered, his pure morning having been sullied by cock jokes. “But surely Roy knows about Oliver’s child,” he said, turning back to Dick.

Dick nodded. “Yeah, they’ve met, obviously, but there’s tension, you understand. Roy isn’t comfortable with Oliver’s kid, but he doesn’t want to hurt Connor either, he’s just a baby.”

“How old is the child?”

“I think he just started going to primary school this year,” Dick said, “so around five or six years old.”

“My god. That’s ridiculous. I don’t think I’ve ever met a first grader.”

“That’s because the earliest you ever adopted anyone was me, and I was in the third grade,” Dick smiled. “Also I was in a circus.”

Bruce smiled at the memory of a tiny, flippy Dick. “When is Dinah coming over?”

“Soon,” Dick said, starting to fret again. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Bruce startled. Dinah was here, and he was still wearing his dressing gown! How could he see her like this, it would never do, it was far too _familiar_ for a meeting with a non-family member. He wasn’t even wearing trousers-

“Dick.”

“Yeah?”

“Create a diversion,” Bruce ordered, “I need to wear my ally-meeting clothes.”

Dick looked Bruce up and down with a raised eyebrow. “Is this about getting too familiar with people? Bruce, you’ve got to let it go. People are nice, you can let them in-“

“You grew up in Gotham, people aren’t nice, you’re just dumb,” Bruce said, and turned away. “Damian!”

“Yes father?”

“Diversion, now!”

“At once, father!” Damian cried, and sprang up, picking up Terry. “Behold everyone! Terrence has learned how to navigate the spoon to his mouth, without spilling any of his apple mush!”

With everyone’s eyes on Terry, Bruce was able to escape just as Dinah walked in, her eyes similarly drawn to Terrence’s great feat of dexterity. He ran upstairs and immediately threw on his black turtleneck sweater, black trousers, and black dress shoes and headed back downstairs. “Ah, Dinah, you’re here,” Bruce said imperiously from the top of the staircase, every bit the lord of the manor.

Dinah smiled. “Hi Bruce.”

“Shall we adjourn to my office for our discussion?” Bruce asked archly, his eyebrow peaked ever so slightly, just like Alfred had taught him as a little boy.

Dinah nodded. “Sure, let me just hand Conner off-“ It was then that Bruce truly took notice of the small blonde bundle that was clinging to Dinah. “Connor, honey, mommy needs to talk to her friend. Can you be a good boy for your big brother Roy?”

The small, tousle headed child looked around with wide, dark eyes. “Roy?” He said quietly.

Roy steeled himself and reached out, and plucked Connor out of Dinah’s arms. He held the child at arm’s length, taking him in. “Um. Hi Connor.”

“Hi.”

“…D’you remember me?” Roy hedged.

“Yep, you’re big brother Roy,” Connor said. Then added, “Mommy talks about you lots.”

Roy’s face settled into a soft smile, mirrored by Dinah. “She does, huh?” Roy placed Connor on his hip. “Mom is pretty cool, huh?”

“Mommy is super cool,” Connor agreed sagely. “Once, she yelled at a thing, and it blewed up!” Connor explained, his tiny arms flailing as he mimicked the explosion.

“Sounds rad,” Jason said, drawing Connor’s eyes to him. Seeing the muscular, swarthy man, Connor shrunk closer to Roy, peeking out at Jason all the while.

“Roy,” Connor whispered, “who’s that?”

Roy smiled. “That’s Jason, he’s my husband. That means he’s your brother-in-law.”

Connor’s eyes bugged out of his tiny skull. “Brudder-in-law? You’re married?”

“Sure am,” Roy said, visibly relaxing. “I get to live with Jason all the time. We have our own little house and we have a little hamster too.”

“Wow,” Connor whispered, awestruck. “Can I marry Jason too?”

Roy burst out laughing, while Damian cringed. “Egads. Why would you want that? Todd is but a hairy boor, who makes sub-standard tahini paste.”

Connor looked over at this latest person, the tiny but unspeakably vicious Damian. “I wanna marry Jason because I wanna live in a little house with a hamster,” he explained.

Damian nodded. “A worthy goal. However, you do not need to wed Todd for that. You are your own person, independent and fierce. You do not, as the saying goes, ‘need no man’.”

“Okay,” Connor agreed quietly. “What’s your name?”

Damian straightened. “I am Damian Al-Ghul Wayne-“

“Grayson-Wayne,” Jason coughed, and Damian twitched angrily in his direction.

“-that is meant to be a secret, Todd, you overly muscular squid. As I was saying, I am called Damian Al-Ghul Wayne, and I am a full eleven years of age, and I am studying to become a doctor of animals.”

Connor’s eyes widened. ‘Wowie,” he breathed. “That’s so cool! My name is Connor, I’m five years old, and my favourite colour in the whole world is red, like Roy’s hair.”

Roy did not quite know what to do with that information, so he continued to bounce Connor on his hip. Damn, but the kid was tiny.

“Hey, did you know that buff brother-in-law Jay also has red hair?” Jason called. He parted his hair to show off his roots that were growing out a deeper red than Roy’s more fiery orange tint. Connor reached out and examined Jason’s hair, giving it several pats. Jason smiled, and reached out to snag the little boy. “Why don’t I tell you the story of how Roy and I met?”

“Ooh! Yes!” Connor beamed.

“Well, I was on a mission in Moldova, and things were looking bad – really bad, like your daddy’s beard. I was surrounded from all sides by enemy forces-“

“Keep it age appropriate, Jason,” Dick gritted out.

“-yeah, yeah. Anyway, I was surrounded, yeah? So then I started blasting-“

“Jay!”

“What?”

Connor giggled and leaned into Jason, smothering his tiny laughs into his buff chest while Jason fended off Dick’s angry hissing. Roy looked on, marveling at how natural Jason looked with a child in his arms, how at ease he put a small, nervous boy. Roy’s heart swelled with a flood of emotions, and his throat constricted painfully at the thought that Jason was bonding with his little brother, while he himself was unable to do the same.

“Who is that?” Connor whispered to Jason, pointing at Dick.

“Ah, that’s Dick, he’s Damian’s mom.”

“Todd!”

“Sike, just kidding, he’s our brother. But he’s Damian’s mom too. Did you know that Dick is a pixie?”

Connor gasped. “A pixie!”

“Todd! Cease your barrage of nonsense, Grayson is not a pixie!” Damian bit out.

“And Damian is part troll.” Jason paused to fend off Damian’s whirling attack, still balancing Connor on his lap. Eventually, Damian gave up and went to the corner to seethe. “That’s Tim over there, he’s the one in the miniskirt. He’s part elf. We found him in the recycling bin when he was a baby.”

“Hi!” Connor called.

“Hello,” Tim said, slithering over. “You’re bite sized. Just small enough for Timmy to have a nice meal.”

“Noo!” Connor giggled as Tim stuck his tongue out, snake-like.

“But I’m so hungry,” Tim said, weaving and bobbing around like a serpent. “Dick hasn’t fed me yet, and he unplugged the coffee machine to hook up the electric gridle.”

That was how Jason and Connor spent ten minutes lobbing grapes into Tim’s open mouth while Tim did an impressive job of catching every last one. After the ritualistic morning feed was over, people started to disperse. Dinah popped down to check on Connor and smiled at the sight of Jason dangling him upside down.

“Mommy! Look, everything is topsy-turvy!”

Dinah smiled. “That’s great baby. Mom and Uncle Bruce are going to head out for a few minutes, alright? You be good for your brother and his family. In fact,” she said spotting Damian in the corner, “Damian, what are your standard babysitting fees?”

Damian looked boggled. “Fees? One charges money for temporarily rearing babes?”

“I’ll pay you ten bucks on the hour,” Dinah offered, amused. Damian’s eyes glittered.

“Ah! My first foray into being a breadwinner! I gladly accept, Madam Canary. Come, Little Connor, we shall retire to the backyard where you can meet my animal friends.”

“You have animals?”

“Indeed! I raise cows and have a respectable group of hens, with one rooster, who is a cad and chases after the hens.”

Connor followed Damian happily, while Dick went clucking after them in his frilly monstrosity of an apron, armed with juice and cookies shaped like hearts. Dinah watched them leave before going up to Roy and giving him a bone-crushing hug. “Hey sweetie,” she whispered.

“Hi Dinah,” Roy smiled back at her. “I missed you.”

Dinah nodded. “Same. I was concerned about, well,” she looked outside, where Batcow was nosing at Connor, “bringing Connie here. I know that you don’t know him all that well, what with Ollie-“ she paused, gulped. “What with Ollie being a fool about making up with you. I don’t want Connie to grow up not knowing his big brother, but I understand if it makes you uncomfortable-“

Roy shook his head. “No, you’re right,” he said quietly. “I can’t have my beef with Oliver damaging my relationship with Connor. He’s just a kid, and he deserves to not have to know about our hate, or grudges, or mistakes. I just don’t know if I’m good for him,” Roy sighed. “I don’t want for Connor to pick up that I’m uncomfortable around him, or doubt himself because of me.”

Dinah nodded sympathetically. “Roy, you’re a brilliant and empathetic young man,” she said gently. “Besides, it looks like the Waynes have taken to Connor quite well.”

Roy snorted. “The Waynes will take to anything that breathes and shows good will. Bruce only pretends to be gruff. He’s really a gigantic marshmallow person, squishy enough to rival the Pillsbury Doughboy.”

“Jason’s good with Connor,” Dinah observed.

“Jason is great with kids,” Roy smiled. “He’s going to be a great dad.”

“I will be,” Jason said, swanning in. “I have plenty of practice with Damian. He looks up to me.”

Outside, Damian felt a wave of woe wash over him. He wondered what Todd was up to.

Back inside, Roy was chuckling at the outright lie while Dinah was looking bemusedly up at Jason. She had always had her reservations about the famed anti-hero of Gotham, what with his penchant of murder and his ‘the means justify the ends’ philosophy. Now, seeing him at home with Roy, surrounded by his siblings, she could appreciate that Jason was more than just the Hood.

“Alright,” Dinah said, “I’m headed out with Bruce. He wanted to talk about the roster of chaperones at the Titans Tower. He worries about Tim,” she stage whispered.

“He always worries about Tim,” Jason snorted. “Bruce thinks that Tim is made of porcelain. Tim can handle himself – I’ve seen him wielding a mace.”

“Mace spray?”

“No, the spiky ball.”

Dinah stared.

“He borrowed it from Damian,” Jason explained.

Dinah could not help herself, and looked outside to make sure that the mace was nowhere near her son. The only things that Damian was holding were a cookie in his right hand, and Connor’s hand in his left, guiding the small boy around the chicken coop. She smiled to herself and clicked a picture to send to Oliver. Immediately, the phone started pinging with messages.

“What’s crawled up Ollie now?” Roy snorted.

“Nothing,” Dinah smiled. “He’s nervous about Dick.”

“Well he’s straight, isn’t he?” Jason asked. “What’s he got to be nervous about- ooh, Dick _Grayson_ ,” he realized belatedly. “Wait, what beef does he have with Dick?” Jason asked, feeling protective over his oblivious faerie of a brother.

“Well,” Dinah said quietly, “it’s not my story to tell,” she said, looking meaningfully at Roy.

“It’s a great story,” Roy smiled.

Dinah reached up and gave Roy a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I should go. Bruce is standing on the lawn looking foreboding,” she said. They looked out the window, and Bruce was indeed standing on the lawn, his arms crossed and expression dark.

“Oh, he’s fine,” Jason said. “He’s got resting ugly face.”

Dinah burst out laughing and left, leaving Jason to seduce Roy over to the sitting room by flashing him his muscular belly button. “Well lover, me and my delectable belly are going to be lounging in the sitting room, if you care to join us,” Jason purred.

Roy followed Jason inside, and Jason immediately grabbed the throw blanket and covered himself and Roy in it to cuddle. “Now, tell me what Ollie’s got against Dick. No one hates Dick, he’s un-hateable.”

Roy sighed and leaned into Jason’s side. “It was when I was with the Titans. You know that I’d gone bad, what with the drugs. Dick smacked some sense into me, literally, and dragged my drugged out ass into rehab.

“I guess that the whole ‘Roy’s on drugs’ thing hit too close to home for Ollie. He’s got his own problems with them, he’s lost too many people to them. When he found out that I’d been using, he got really mad.” Roy paused to take a breath and steady his nerves. “He didn’t come to see me when I was in withdrawl. No one really did, I’d hurt my old team too much. Dick came, because he was my emergency contact and the nurses called him. I was in a pretty bad way.”

“Roy,” Jason whispered softly. “I’m so sorry.”

Roy grimaced. “Anyway, long story short, Dick came. He kept coming and being…nice. I think the nurses told him that no one came to see me, and so he did. He’s seen me through a lot of bad nights, man. A lot of nightmares, and he’d just hug me and hold me like- like a freaking baby.”

Jason couldn’t say anything to that – he just held Roy’s hand as his husband finally opened the floodgates to his past.

“I guess Dick told Dinah or something, because she and Ollie came down to see me. Dinah was properly worried – no one had told her the truth. They said that I was undercover or something, they wanted to spare her. But Ollie was _pissed_. He really started to lay into me about how I fucked up.”

Jason saw red. How dare he? How dare that no good, two-bit piece of-

“Dick came barreling in,” Roy smiled. “He basically told Ollie what for, and then-“

“What?”

“He threw Ollie through the door.”

Jason sat up. “He threw Ollie through the door?” Jason could not believe his disproportionately tiny ears.

“Oh yeah. Ollie was getting seriously worked up and in my face about everything, and they were scared that I would relapse or something as a result. I know that Ollie’s got his own issues with drugs and all, but-“

“Laying into you was completely uncalled for, especially since you were already getting better and making amends,” Jason said vehemently.

“That’s what Dick said. As he threw him through the door. Ollie’s been wary about him ever since, thinks that Dick’s personality is too good to be true. I can’t imagine that he’s thrilled that Dick is out there now, loving on Connor and feeding him little cookies and giving him milk.”

“Dude, the five year old is a better judge of character than Oliver,” Jason sniffed. His expression softened. “Roy, you’re the bravest, most handsome man that I know,” Jason said gently.

“Thanks Jay,” Roy whispered. “It’s easier to live life with you at my side.”

Jason looked out of the French window to see Dick chivvying Damian and Connor back inside, looking ridiculous in his pink, lacy apron. “When Dick comes back in, I’m going to hug him so hard,” Jason promised.

“Same,” Roy grinned, as the little party came inside.

“Come on Connor, let’s get you washed up,” Dick cooed.

“What happened?” Roy asked, looking at his grimy baby brother.

Damian coughed discreetly. “Ah. Little Connor missed his footing and fell into the chicken feed. He requires a wash. I shall go and fetch him some clothes.”

Dick carried Connor off to the bathroom, and Roy and Jason followed. “Which bubble bath do you want, Connie?” Roy asked, the nickname coming easily to him. “We’ve got lavender, green tea, primrose- whose are these?” He asked incredulously.

“Tim’s,” Dick said. “Gimme the milk and honey one.”

Roy picked up the bottle and put a respectable amount into the tub. “Alright Connie, time to scrub,” he grinned. Dick grinned and left the brothers to bond, pausing to ruffle Jason’s hair on the way out.

A good thirty minutes of bath time later, Roy picked a clean Connor out of the tub and wrapped him in a fluffy towel. Connor grinned guilelessly at Roy, making his heart do a strange little dance. The moment was interrupted by Damian, who swanned in. “What ho, I have clothes for Little Connor.”

Roy took the folded clothes and rolled them out to reveal-

“Dames, this is your princess gown.”

“Tt. It is not a princess gown, it is the clothes of my people. It is called a thawb, and it offesr maximum ventilation. It is very comfortable.”

Roy grinned and helped Connor into the thawb, and picked him up. “You look very nice, Connor.”

Connor smiled dopily up at Roy, and then yawned. The bath had made him sleepy. “Uh ho, looks like someone’s got the yawns,” Jason crowed, swinging Connor into a fireman’s carry. “Up to bed with you, young sir!”

“Noooo,” Connor mumbled, but fell asleep halfway to the guest bedroom. Roy and Jason tucked him in, as Roy marveled at what an easy child Connor was. He hoped that his and Jay’s kid would be just like him.

“He’s adorable,” Jason said. “You’re a good brother, Roy.”

“You think?”

“He loves you,” Jason said, nodding at Connor’s tiny, bundled up form. “He’s so calm and happy with you.”

“That’s good,” Roy said. “I’d worried that he’d think the worst of me, I don’t think that Ollie speaks well about me, or speaks about me at all, really.”

“Nah, you’re too loveable,” Jason smirked. He looked down at Connor. “I’m going to squish his cheek.”

“Go for it,” Roy grinned. Jason leaned over and pressed a finger to Connor’s chubby cheek, marveling at how squishy and soft it was.

“Just like Terry’s,” Jason grinned. “I can’t wait till we get our own kid.”

Roy grasped Jason’s hand. “Me too.”

Connor slept for an hour, and when he woke up, he crawled straight into Roy’s lap, like an affection-seeking missile. “Cuddle?” Connor asked.

“Sure,” Roy obliged him happily. They got settled in the sitting room, where Damian walked in, armed with a book.

“Ah, Little Connor, you are awake. Would you like a story?”

“Yes please,” Connor said. “Could you read it? I can read too, but only a little bit. Big words are hard.”

“Very well,” Damian said, plopping down, “this is the story of The Little Merman-“

“Mermaid,” Jason corrected.

Damian looked up quizzically at him. “What are you talking about, Todd? The story is of a young merman, who must break from his aquatic tribe and warn a human ship of an attack, where a rogue group of merpeople plan to take the human prince aboard the ship as a captive to make an example out of.”

“What happens to the prince?” Connor asked.

“The Little Merman catches wind of this plot, and rescues the human prince,” Damian explained. “In their escape, the human prince falls in love with the merman, and upon reaching land, he leaves the palace and moves to live by the shore with his new spouse.”

Connor listened with rapt attention as Damian narrated his twisted story, while Roy and Jason giggled. “Oh my god, forget Disney, we should have Damian direct children’s movies.”

All too soon, Dinah and Bruce returned home, with Bruce looking triumphant. “We just wrote up the rotation of chaperones for Titans Tower,” Dinah explained. “Bruce is finally satisfied that Tim will never have enough time to canoodle with Superboy now.” She looked over to the rug where Damian was just finishing up with his story.

“-and the prince decided that his material wealth was of no consequence when it came to his love. And this was just as well, because he was not the heir to the throne, but a third son. So he retired to the coast, where he and the Little Merman lived together happily ever after.”

Connor clapped happily. “That was a great story, Dami!”

“Thank you, Little Connor.”

Dinah knelt down beside the boys. “Time to go home, Connie. Say bye to Damian and all your new friends.”

“Bye bye,” Connor said obediently. “I hope I see you again soon!”

“You shall,” Damian said, his words ominous. “You shall.”

Connor waddled up to Roy and hugged his legs. “Bye Roy. I’ll miss you.”

Suddenly, Roy didn’t want to let go. He blinked back his tears and hugged Connor back. “I’ll miss you too, Connie. You’re the best little brother I could have asked for.”

Connor nodded and looked at Jason. “Bye Jason. I know you were the one poking my cheeks when I was napping.”

“I regret nothing,” Jason said. “In fact, one squish for the road,” he said, and pressed both of Connor’s cheeks, making his lips look like a goldfish.

Dinah looked worriedly at Roy. “Ollie’s waiting in the car,” she fretted.

Roy snorted. “I’m not scared of him. Besides, I gotta say a proper goodbye to Connor.”

The family trooped out, and Connor waved to Oliver in the car. Upon seeing Roy behind his son, Oliver looked taken aback, and his eyes narrowed further when he saw Jason coming up behind him. What was about to be said was never heard though, when Dick bustled out of the house and straight up to the car.

“Connor! Here, take some cookies for the road, they’re cinnamon raisin flavoured!”

“Wow, thanks Mister Dick! You’re the best!”

“You’re welcome, honey,” Dick cooed. While Connor was distracted, Dick flashed an uncharacteristically manic, toothy smile at Oliver, who paled.

The Waynes watched Ollie, Dinah, and Connor’s car fade into the distance, after which Dick grinned at his brother and brother-in-law. “Well, let’s go inside-eep!” He was cut off as Jason pulled him into a rough, manly side-hug. “Not that I don’t appreciate affection, but why the sudden outpouring of love, Jay?”

“Because you’re a good brother and friend, Dickhead.”

Dick winked knowingly at Roy. “Aw, you guys! I’d throw Oliver through a door anytime for you!”

Jason slung his arms around Roy and Dick as they walked back inside, only stopping to punt Damian gently on the backside as he was puttering to the henhouse to collect the eggs. Together, they could take on the world.

***


End file.
